well hello, whoever you are,my dear reader(s).much love to you(all).
so my plans of blogging regularly,damn i don’t know what happened to them.nothing is going according to any plan these days but that i feel is a good thing.i need life to keep surprising me,keep me amused.i was planning to post about a certain man,S,but my (not so) wonderful so called friend definitely deserves to be written about.N.B.oh where do i begin.
i can’t help but post this song with this post.my dear love Amy Winehouse expresses in song certain feelings i have as of now,in regards to a certain pretentious bitch.
so,its been about 2.5 years since i have known N.B.not a really long time in a lifetime,but long for me,considering how i’m used to moving around every 3/4 years.before i describe her,i wish to say i have done my best to not be too judgmental.i am no one to judge anyone,in any way.but this girl has provoked me to desert my new vow of acceptance,for the sake of this post,and hence it is time to rant.
ever since i know you,you have done nothing but imitate me relentlessly.i do not feel perturbed by that,i feel sad.sad,that you do not have enough self-respect to develop a personality of your own.
you never smoked,my darling.but after knowing me for what,a week,i hear you cannot live without Classic?
you don’t even understand the B of Black Metal,yet you insult the beautiful music by claiming to be a wise follower,all because Burzum happens to be one of my favorite music projects.
you like the smell of cigarettes and perfume blended in perfection,oh but only about 2 hours after i claim to.you can’t handle getting stoned,because you never really do smoke the herb.only when you feel the need to be socially accepted,you claim to know the beauty of the herb.well,fuck you,you pretentious bitch.
you copied my art,the most sacred thing in my life.but you failed miserably ofcourse.one is either an artist or one is a plagiarist.one has a vision or one borrows from others.either a person has a force within them,compelling them to create or they fake it.you belong to the latter group in all cases,ofcourse.
you never wanted a tattoo,let alone an anchor tattoo,and then 3 days after i get a tributary anchor tattoo for my father,you get an anchor tattoo saying it was for the love of your life,whoops,i mean the guy who fucked you and left you as he’d please.and when you were pregnant with his child,I was the only person who never judged you but instead did my best to help you in whichever way I could to get out of that mess.
you threw yourself at almost every man i knew,but ofcourse didn’t have the spine to admit that you just liked the attention.hey,i have no problem with a girl who loves sex/sexual activity,not at all,i’d be a fucking hypocrite if i did claim to have problems.but i do not like liars.or pretentious attention seeking whores.you would blame every single man,and i would blindly believe you because i trusted you.and now ofcourse you want my ex-bitch.can’t say i didn’t see that coming,but i feel betrayed because of the shamelessness you now so easily flaunt.the more you deny things,the more you make it worse,you pretentious coward.before you heard me use the word ambivalence to describe my perpetual state of existence,you didn’t even know the word was a part of the english language.and ofcourse you now define yourself by it.
i know i’m silly for believing that no matter how fucked up people are there is still some goodness in them and there is a light within them that never dies.i am disappointed yet again,but i pity you.
i am everything you will never be honey,because you don’t know the worth of integrity and loyalty.and i think you must realize how alone you are.i was probably your only real friend,the only one who stood up for you and you betrayed me too.go be happy in your shallow,ugly,hateful,false life,without an ounce of self respect to shelter your non-existent self.in your fucked up lies,your pretentious smiles and never-ending state of denial/loneliness.you are more than dead to me,Namrata Banerjee,you pretentious skank.
you will never have any peace.love.freedom.